convenience or romance, dear?

Setiap hari (kerja), saya dan beberapa teman sekolah saya dulu rutin berkirim surat elektronik.

Pembahasan kami bermacam-macam. Mulai dari kegiatan hari itu, curhat pribadi, bagi info hingga mendiskusikan berbagai topik.

Topik pagi ini lumayan membuat saya senyum, ketawa, mengernyitkan dahi, merengut dan banyak ekspresi lain. Sebenarnya bukan topik baru. Ini topik klasik yang biasa dihadapi mereka yang seumur dengan saya (duapuluhan dan biasanya sudah bekerja).

Topik ini “dipelopori” oleh salah satu dari kami, pria bernama H.

Nah, diskusi di ‘peremailan’ itu saya kompilasi, nama para pelaku saya samarkan dan saya masukkan di sini. Tentunya setelah meminta ijin teman-teman tersayang saya itu.

Kenapa saya memutuskan untuk memasukkan diskusi hari ini? karena saya ingin tahu pendapat kamu tentang topik ini :)

Mari berbagi. Tidak ada yang salah atau benar.

***

Hans (laki-laki.belum menikah)

Ada polling menarik yang temen gue bikin kemarin. I wanna try it out!

For u guys..and gals..nowadays will u get married out of romance?or convenience?

Convenience means you’ll feel save and taken care of but the romance factor is not really there..or you choose romance (which can tragically don’t have to be both ways with  the possibility of wearing off by time).

Dewi (perempuan.menikah)

Convenience first ….. romance untuk gw lebih ke pemanis…..


Putra (laki-laki.belum menikah)

If it concerns marriage, I would go for romance dude..


Rachma (perempuan.akan menikah tahun ini)

i’d definitely choose romance for marriage! that’s the key to the ultimate bliss! and when there’s romance, there’s definitely convenience. love is convenience itself, don’t you guys agree? when you love someone and you’re willing to do anything to make your partner happy, the effort of providing convenience at hand is just inevitable. you’ll work hard for the one you love, you’ll pamper him/her with all the good worldly things, but everything is added with sweet romance as the icing to a perfect cake! that’s why, romance it is! :)


Laras (perempuan.belum menikah)

convenience.. not only material i think, this can mean also secure dari sisi perasaan kita..romance bisa muncul dengan sendirinya dari rasa nyaman yg kita dapet itu..but it can be the other way around juga sih.…maybe i’ll go for convenience..boleh option laen ga? nyaman…aman..


Rachma

interesting, jadi sebenernya ini kaya teori telor ayam ya.. hihihihi..


Putra

This reminds me of a conversation I took with my friends a couple weeks ago.. Where these girls, took convenience over romance and the result is they cheated on their husbands due to the inexistence of romance..


Laras

convenience disini ‘pure materi’ yah?


Hans

Well..biar jd bahan pikiran! Supposedly contrary to beliefs that women are more romantic than men..Most women will choose convinience..
Men..romance!
but somehow along  the way it doesn’t apply that way anymore I guess

Laras

jawaban itu berubah kok emang dengan seiring berjalannya waktu…kalo lo nanya sama gw kira2 5-6 taun yg lalu mungkin gw jawab romance dengan mantaabbbssss…..kalo sekarang? need both actually. but mostly kalo yg maen logikanya doang nih, mungkin banyak yg bakal jawab convenience…tergantung sih kebutuhan orang masing2 sepertinya kan berbeda. setuju kalo gitu.. convenience is not only material disini..


Putra

Quite agree.. Well, romance (or love) could make you do things that you might never done before.. You’d sacrifice and give everything. You’ll try your best for that someone..But one thing that I learned from the conversation I took with friends is that women tend to choose someone who loved them and hoped/try eventually to love their spouse back..

Rachma

True to that, Putra. it might most likely happen when romance is not there, and amazingly, some girls would not mind to marry someone over total convenience let alone romance. they think romance is not as necessary as the material perks they can get. getting romance might even be as simple as getting yourself bottles of beer from circle k, and romance does not need to require a monogamous and mutual relationship. although, there are still some who choose to stick to the oldfashioned-and-close-to-being-naive-or-mere-foolish mindset: spraying love in the air forever to the one you love means more than anything in the world. and honestly, all of us have a bit of equality in terms of both traits, start asking both your mind and heart, and see what kind of answers might come up, you’ll probably surprise yourself, hihihi…


Laras

hmmm…. i think i have to agree on that... maybe


Hans

Ini pembahasan diluar kemungkinan bahwa ‘you both get to love each other‘..that’s heaven! Ini kasus standar di mana satu pihak loves the other more..(Happens a lot rite?hehe)

So..this is what I read! Men are made to love. Women are made to be loved. Women are capable to learn to love which men lack  the ability to do. Men who doesn’t love his spouse will tend to look somewhere else for it cos they just find it very difficult to grow those seeds of love..
Women, on the ‘contrary..CAN! By time, the amount of attention and affection (which they will get when being with someone that loves them) can sprout love from being safe and secure thus comfortable. They think of cheating as the option number kesekian!

Lebih aman seperti itu mengingat perbandingan banyaknya cewe daripada cowo di dunia. Making it easier for guys to take the shortcut and love someone else rather than having a difficult time learning to love what he’s got! Kalo cewe yang cheats?well most likely they’ll end up being a number two or three or kesekian from that other guy..teori ekonomi ‘supply and demand’ ajaaa!

But nowadays..things changed!
Women wants to be more like men. Padahal menurut gue women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition! Seriously..that’s why women wants romance more now but basic insticts doesn’t lie..men has the upperhand when it comes to cheating (again, we’re talking generalization so eventually balik ke orangnya masing-masing)..
Dulu..the ‘safest scenario is for a girl to marry some guy that loves her dearly!eventhough she doesn’t love him that much (yet) as long as you don’t hate him..Coz then the girl will be overwhelming protected and cared (full package of love deh) thus she will learn to love him as much..Take it the way around and what do you get? An’ i-don’t-care-about-u-girl’ husband who can possibly cheat on her..and an ‘i’m-so-not-happy-but-i-cant-leave-him-coz-i-love-him’ wife..Sounds familiar?many cases
Nowadays, yes apa yg masing-masing mau agak berubah!tapi if you take a closer look mayoritas kejadiannya tetep kayak gitu!


Rachma

Women want to be more like men”, I so agree with this, that’s so happening and so cosmo, hehe.. but anyways, don’t you think it’s kind of scary, that more women choose not to be committed in a marriage because of their fear of being cheated by love? (coz they somehow realize all the things you said below) and from what i see, there are tons of women who are willing to take the extra mile to be more independent and less dependent on men, convincing themselves subconsciously that they do not need men to support what they need in life, because they fear men might only eventually disappoint them and on the other side, they fear they might only grow unconditional love towards men, something they’d call as admit defeat. so now you can’t really tell who’s cheating on who, any other way is just possible, and it’s becoming more of a serious issue when it’s no longer a take and give kind of mindset that we’re dealing with now, no matter what it is on the surface, there will always be subtle competition between those two genders.


Hans

“Find the bad in a person and you will find it” That goes for the good also..hehe. For girls..find someone who really really loves you (how do you tell?you’ll know..you’ll feel..eventhough sometimes you’re expecting it from someone else)
Coz this maybe a surprise..but if a guy loves a girl deeply..he’ll be in deeeeep and hard to crawl out of it!seriously..
Banyak kasus disakiti ya karena the girl wants to try it with someone she loves in hope that he’ll act the same..

I’m not against women independence..i have a sister and nothin’ makes me happier to see them able to stand on their own two feet! This gives extra security and let the guys know that you’re not someone to mess around with..But careful careful..strike a man’s ego with your independence (especially the guy who loves you) and you’ll have a hard time..Like I said..a guy is made to love, to protect, to support!be independent but do not show too much independency and you’ll do fine!
Boast on it too much and you’ll highten the chance of a great relationship even with a guy that loves u coz why?
Simply cos his basic instinct to protect provide support..Ujung2nya antara stress..or he’ll find someone else who needs the attention (sometimes they don’t go and look for it..other girls come cos good quality guy doesn’t go unnoticed)


Aldi (laki-laki.menikah.1 anak)

@ Rachma
(romance) only in the movies….truth is, reality bites, in my opinion, you need both in marriage, romance but secure and peaceful.….tapi kalo di suruh pilih satu, gue lebih milih secure, soalnya kalo romantic tapi berantem-berantem mulu ya bubar jalan….cinta datang karena terbiasa hehehe


Dee (perempuan.belum menikah)

hey, gw lumayan tertarik dg quote Hans yg ini:

I’m not against women independence but careful careful..strike a man’s ego with ur independence (especially d’guy who luvs u) and u’ll have a hard time..Like I said..a guy is made to luv to protect to support!be independent but do not show too much independency and you’ll do fine!


nah, kadang masalahnya adalah independency itu bukanlah sesuatu yg disengaja oleh si wanita. mungkin karena memang si wanita dikondisikan seperti itu. bisa karena dia anak pertama di keluarga (ini yang gw liat dr temen-temen gw) atau memang dibiasakan mandiri oleh keluarganya (ini yg terjadi pada gw)..nah kalau gitu gimana? trus akhirnya gw sering mendengar kalimat ‘lower ur standards‘ dari orang-orang untuk wanita2 seperti ini.
so?

Putra

So? Lower ur standards ladies..hehe


Rachma

having high standards is not wrong, yang penting we do know how to compromise, and trust me, we compromise a lot. :)


Putra

How far do me must tolerate? If u ladies wants to be understood, than vice versa.. Try to understand men too please..

Compromise?well, that can be put into consideration..

I mean, really, men sometimes are kinda confused or offended (maybe not a good choice of words) when a women gets too independent..coz guys do need girls to be dependant on us.. As long as not too dependant.. Hehe

Laras

ih… gw sebel deh kalo ada  yg bilang ‘lower ur standards’..how do you know my standards… what is the benchmark anyway?high dan lownya masing-masing orang kan beda yah


Dee

yeaah.gimana yah?it’s all about ego actually dan kami perempuan sering sekali diingatkan untuk ‘TIDAK DAN JANGAN MENYERANG EGO LAKILAKI’.


Rachma

well, men.. you may think you know us so well and you have analyzed us in so many possible ways, but still, you still have no idea at some points.. kalo masalah standar, bisa ampe berantem-berantem pun ga akan nemu titik tengahnya untuk disepakati sepertinya. we come from two different planets, the more you try to understand, the most likely you’ll get lost

***


Di antara saya dan teman-teman saya yang tersayang itu, diskusi ini tentunya (sepertinya) akan berlanjut. Entah di email atau saat kami bertemu. Namun, saya jadi penasaran bagaimana pendapat mahluk perempuan dan laki-laki lain di luar ‘peremailan’ kamu :)

Senayan, 3 April 2009

2 thoughts on “convenience or romance, dear?”

  1. i got this from daytime oprah show, most of the cheating men do that because they feel insecure, powerless, and think that their spouse dont need them. i know it pretty much sounds like it’s all down to women to keep their husband faithful. but i think the need is the same all the way round. the only difference is men just dont know how to express it.
    i’m not married (yet). but i learn that when it comes to marriage you just need to compromize things. in marriage, there are two different individual who will always try to develop as a person. but on the other hand, you need to pay the bill, share the money, take care of kids, etc. if you didnt make it out well, there would be constant incovenience.
    btw, define romance! someone once told me that even learn how to make her a breakfast may come handy to light up some fire. :)

  2. percuma mau dibrainstorm kyk apa juga, once u meet the right person, all considerations are lost…cinta yang akan menuntun….pret! :p

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